I'm on a roll with my blog these days. If you check the dates...ah forget it. If I brag about how I'm back on schedule, I will probably not update this thing again for months. I have much to talk about tonight. Some of it is current and some a blast from the past. I always have something to talk about though. I'm also long winded which any one of my friends would whole heartily admit and I'm fine with that. So I guess by mentioning that I have no reason to not keep my blog updated. With that being said, back to the topic.
I live in a very nice city. It's pretty modern and the weather here, for the most part, is all you could ask for. However nothing is as perfect as it seems on the outside. Once you look a little deeper you find all kinds of crap that just makes it harder to deal with. Take the Ruben sandwich for instance. That thing looks about as yummy as humanly possible until you bite into a landmine known as sauerkraut. Your mouth is now laden with shrapnel from a sour cabbage booby trap and now the sandwich, well, sucks. Who in the hell would mess up such a good thing? This is kind of the way I feel about our beloved city and I will tell you why.
I once had a woman around my age come into my store and try to sell me this little coupon book that had all kinds of discounted spa treatments. I asked her where her spa was located and she mentioned a popular bar, that I apparently should have known about, being close to the spa. When I answered with a "huh?" she immediately mentioned another bar as a point of reference. Well as usual I didn't know about that one either. She then began to ask me what I do to have fun because it was obvious to her that if I wasn't VIP at any one of the places she mentioned that my life must have been dull. Weird. I mean I'm pretty dorky. I like doing stuff many would think isn't worth their time and does not involve putting on a shit ton of hair gel and the shirt that is supposed to look old but really cost 300 bucks. Now just to prove that I'm not a stick in the mud I do have a story about going out that reminds me of the girl that tried to sell me spa treatments. I have this feeling the story about to be told may have happened to her at one point. Actually, I'm sure of it.
About two weeks before New Year's eve, a bunch of my friends wanted to take out a girl who had just gotten a divorce so she could go let off a little steam. We ended up at a bar called Six. This was the first time I had ever been to this place so I had no clue what to expect. First of all, I was way under dressed but somehow managed to get in. I also remember drinking something that night which I don't really do. Perhaps that loosened up my perspective on the situation. Well what happened next really needed to be seen to fully understand but you will get the picture. Myself and two of my friends decided to try and talk to a couple of girls standing at a table near by. These tables are about up to the middle of your chest and have a little candle in the center so you kinda have to stand if you want to use them. My friend decides to go over and start up a conversation with the girls and they seem to be into him. So as I decide to turn around to go over, my other friend blurts out something like a mixture of cuss words and laughter all at the same time. I turn around to see one of the girls hair fully engulfed in flames and the insane part is she had no clue! I guess she leaned over the table to get a better listen to what my friend was saying and her ultra hairspray covered locks hit the candle and went up like the Hindenburg zeppelin. Her friend notices the fiasco and starts screaming while delivering forearm shivers to the back of her head to beat out the flames. After the small fire was extinguished, she became what seemed only mildly concerned that the back of her head now resembled a brown steel wool pad. The two girls began going about their normal business and acted like nothing really happened. Strange. It was both fucked up and ridiculously funny at the same time. So as I'm trying to fight back tears of laughter, my friend at the table looks at us with a "what now?" look on his face as we motion for him to get the heck out of there. Only in Scottsdale I suppose.
I can tell you that every time I have ever been out something like this goes down. Now not to the degree that this spectacle created but people still end up on the receiving end of a big plate of Darwin's ass whoppings. I would much rather goof off at a mini golf course or race go carts than dodge third degree burns and over charged credit card tabs. But hey, that's just me. On a side note as I always like to say, the last part of this blog was apparently not saved last night when I closed this thing out which sucks. I made a comparison to the chick that had her hair set on fire to that of looking like Jackie Onassis all bundled up, hungover, standing outside of the wig store waiting for it to open the day after. I can't duplicate exactly what I typed so just try to imagine what that might look like. It made me laugh for a couple seconds.
I will have more topics more frequently and have them posted in a timely fashion. This I can promise. Thanks for reading. Until next time.
JD
By the way......
The pic attached has nothing to do with the post but I found it funny so I'm posting it.
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